Panda Cookies, Ayurveda, and Getting Personal

24th February, 2010 by Christina - 4 Comments

Normally I avoid getting personal here on Stacked and have been walking this fine line trying to write a post in which I share a few food-related books with you.   Bear with me.

Now, Veronicais in Taiwan right now, and she posted this photo of panda cookies.  And OMG!  I want to eat a panda cookie right now!  I believe the appropriate Internet speak for this is “nom.”

About ten years ago, my mother and I went to Taiwan and they have these absolutely incredible red bean and sesame seed things–little fried up balls that are seriously the BEST THING IN THE WORLD!  Veronica offered to bring me back something, and I was all “balls, bring me back balls.”  Then I realized how inappropriate that sounded and gave her this really long winded explanation of what these things were because I have no real name for them.  Apparently they’re best when warm and probably won’t travel well on her flight back.  But you can get them here in Chinatown or Flushing.  Yay!

Over the years various food related health issues have come up for me and the list of what I’m able to eat has gotten smaller and smaller and smaller.  Suddenly it’s no more panda cookies and “Hey, Veronica, can you read this list of ingredients in Mandarin for me?”  Some people react as though I’m being melodramatic about what I can and cannot eat.  Maybe I am.  But I’ve found that playing it safe makes me mentally healthy because I’m not always nervous that I might get sick again. 

The hardest part hasn’t been changing my eating habits and choices.  Yes, it’s still a learning process–what food is okay, what is not–but I’ve learned an incredible amount, discovered foods I’d never have thought of eating, and have made some stunning meals.  I still make mistakes but hey, lesson learned.  The hardest part is getting other people to understand when foodie culture is currently so popular.

Tomorrow night I’m attending a reading by Cathy Erway at Word Brooklyn.  Cathy’s book, The Art of Eating In, came about after she decided to stop eating at restaurants and instead learned to cook all her meals for the course of two years.  She blogs at  Not Eating Out In New York, and New York is filled with a wide variety of amazing food that people want to go out and try.  She too found difficulties in getting other people to understand what she was doing, even losing a boyfriend in the process.  I’m hoping her book talks a bit about how she got her friends and family to accept and support what she was doing.

The problem with going out to eat or even over to a friend’s is that you just don’t know what has been put in the food.  Even if you tell them you can’t eat X, Y, or Z (and in some cases, all three!) they just aren’t going to read labels as carefully as you are or realize what a spice mix is actually made of.  Did you know that if you’re lactose intolerant (no milk for you!) you have to be careful about what bread you eat because some brands use whey which is a milk byproduct?  Or that soy sauce has wheat in it to act as thickener?  It’s not to say people aren’t supportive or accommodating, just that they aren’t as diligent or aware as the person with the problem.

But it doesn’t have to be a problem.  Not unless I make it one.  I have a friend who very gladly brings her own food to dinner parties, another who eats before going out.  For all the things I can’t eat, I don’t feel at all deprived.  Sure, occasionally something like panda cookies beckon to me, or a whiff of pizza makes me a little wistful that I can’t just grab a slice on a jam-packed evening.  I don’t feel deprived because it’s really not about what I can’t eat.  This isn’t a diet to loose weight where I have to be restrictive.  It’s about choosing to be healthy and making that a lifelong process–building good habits and finding joy and creativity in what I can eat.

Recently a friend stated that, “People get insecure about others’ healthy habits.”  It’s not about me, it’s about them.  Suddenly my choices in how to be healthy become crazy, weird, or fads–not because they really are, but because others can’t imagine changing what they eat so drastically.  They’re not comfortable when faced with different choices that they don’t fully understand. 

Yesterday, I made a request on Twitter for book suggestions about Ayurveda.  Ayurveda is a lifestyle despite it often being categorized as something more akin to “Chinese Medicine” or “that weird new age holistic crap,” as one friend put it.  It’s one of those weird trends when viewed from the outside.  From what I know about Ayurveda, it’s more about learning the personal quirks to your own body and finding a balance to how you live–what you eat included–to make you a healthier person.  And that’s healthier in all ways–mentally and physically.  For me, it’s another avenue to explore in getting to be my healthiest self and where my choices are not based on fear of becoming ill again.

With my Ayurveda request, Stephanie (manager of Word) suggested that Susan and Jen at Breath Books in Baltimore might be able to help me.  Within seconds, Susan, who has been on her own Ayurvedic journey (again, someone willing to get personal on the Internet) replied with the suggestion of starting with Ayurveda:  The Science of Self Healingby Vasant D. Lad. It would have taken so much trial and error finding books on my own that are filled with information I can trust.

It’s difficult learning who you can trust.  After practicing tai chi in college, I moved to New York and found that most classes were taught by someone with two or three years class experience of their own.  That is something I find in swing dancing and yoga as well–people who are relatively good at something that other people know nothing about choosing to teach.  And this is really dangerous–in all three activities a person can get hurt very badly when the teacher doesn’t know better.  Rather than try out class after class, I went to my multi-decades trained, kung-fu teaching uncle and asked if he had any connections or advice for my finding a knowledgeable tai chi teacher in the city.

Learning to break bad habits, to eat better and wisely, it’s all a long process and probably never ending.  Not knowing where to start can be scary, especially when the changes we choose to make affect us in such big ways.  Changing my eating habits isn’t about hopefully tacking on a few years at the end of my life, it’s about making the quality of my life NOW better.  Part of that comes with finding out who I can trust–who is knowledgeable enough to guide me without imposing their own bias or fears on my choices.  It means wading through overwhelming amounts of books to figure out which author is a good teacher.  So many times I’ve read a book thinking I learned great new things only to find people in that field think the the author was misleading and misinformed. 

When we are new to something, it’s easy to see how we can be led astray and why our friends think our new choices are ridiculous.  Changing their thinking to be more in line with mine isn’t going to happen, all I can do is plod along asking for advice, read a book where I can, try things out, and hopefully continue to feel better.  And maybe our friends will decide we’re weird, that they love us anyway, and then figure out how to make panda cookies we (i.e., me) can actually eat.

4 Comments

Love & Books Redux: Part 4

11th February, 2010 by Christina - No Comments

And so we come to the end of the return of the Love & Books series.  I don’t have much to add to what I want to share today.  By far, this was my favorite post of the original series.  It mostly had to do with the two conversations I had–one in person and one over instant messenger–and the fact that both had me laughing. 

If you can’t laugh at sex, what can you laugh at?

One night, back at his place, she noticed a book.  How to Make Love All Night:  And Drive a Woman Wild! 

She looked at it inquiringly and asked him about it.  John said he owned the book because you can never have too many techniques.  So she opened it up to take a look and said to him, “Oh, no.  No woman wants this.  No woman wants to do it All.  Night.  Long.”

What surprised me was how serious the conversations seemed once transposed into a post to discuss how books affect our relationships (and in tandem, our sex life).  The funny is great, but what was important was the difference in approaches that John took in regards to books about sex compared to that of Lizzy and our mutual friend. 

At this point in her life, Lizzy was looking to settle down and thought she’d maybe found “The One.”  He was great in many ways, except the sex.  So she resigned herself to a life of bad sex; maybe it wouldn’t be such a terrible hardship.  She did make him give up the book.  The apartment building he lived in had a table in which the inhabitants would leave the occasional tchotchke for others to take.  The book spent three weeks on the table (lingering long after the troll statues had been grabbed) and one day disappeared. 

Eventually, Lizzy and John broke up.  He apparently had big-time commitment issues that she’d been willing to overlook along with the lack of decent love making. 

“[When] I saw [the book] immediately my suspicions began.  This man was going to be bad in bed, or had issues with women.  He didn’t know what to do or how to communicate with his partner regarding intimate issues.  Of course, I chose to ignore all of that, which only lead to heartbreak later…but live and learn!  All of my suspicions were true!”

Advice books are supposed to guide us and help us become better people, even between the sheets.  Yet, more often then not we find ourselves complaining about both the ones marketed to us and for the opposite sex.  I was sure, however, that there had to be some good books out there.  Or maybe it was not so much the books, but how individuals approached the content.  Discussing Lizzy’s story with another friend provided some insight that books about sex aren’t necessarily a warning sign and can at times rev things up between a couple. 

There’s a lot of crap out there written by a lot of idiots.  There are some that are pretty straightforward–encyclopedic.  Some are fun and some are insightful.

I personally never look to a book for advice on sex.

I might read a book to learn more about areas of sex or relationships I don’t have much experience with…one can sometimes benefit from the experience of others, provided that the author is smart and has the proper attitude.

It can also be exciting at times to read about things that others have done even if you, yourself, would not necessarily do it…and that excitement can translate to excitement in your bedroom (or kitchen or living room or elevator, etc).”

Similar to advice books, no two people are so alike that a book is going to be a be-all end-all guide.  Since the series came out, I’ve read a little more erotica, some sex-based memoirs, and attended an erotic literature reading–people are into different things and communication is the key for a couple to figure out how they work together.  There is no final answer in a book that will solve problems in the bed.  What books can do is turn up the heat a little…

No Comments

Love & Books Redux: Part 3

9th February, 2010 by Christina - No Comments

I still don’t understand, and don’t believe I ever will, why love has to be so difficult.  I do think that maybe something as easy as liking someone has accrued all these mixed social standards and niceties over time so that we are confused not by love itself but by all the messages telling us how to go about getting love. 

Falling in love, being in a relationship–they are complicated because we make them so out of fear and insecurity.  Along the way, some crafty souls realized that acting on others’ fear was a FANTASTIC way to make money.  And so the self-help advice book was born. 

Most advice books that subject around dating are geared towards women.  We are somehow incomplete without a man, we are desperate and our approach is all wrong.  There is no room for being happily single and confidently quirky.  They tell us we can only be happy when we find a man and to do so we must play by their rules.  Advice books prey on the weak, those brainwashed by movies and romance novels to feel that with each passing year they are too old to find love.  They believe we are gullible, and despite following their advice to the letter, we are still doing something wrong and therefore need to buy the sequel. 

Almost all of the people who took the original survey said that while they’ve read an advice book here and there, they don’t own any or particularly feel the need to shell over $20 for someone to give them common sense advice or a list of archaic and ridiculous rules that are an exception.  What  works for one person or couple might not be the best approach to dating and marriage for others.  Just as our concept of what constitutes love is unique and individual, so is our approach to relationships; our choices do not fit perfectly into the formula or rules of advice books.

Despite my disdain for such books, some do find helpful advice and comfort in reading them.  Some even provide amusement.  While I (and my survey respondents) may not seek advice from them, other people do–proof of which comes in the form of new books being published and regularly snatched up.  While the worst books prey on our fears, the best can serve as a reminder for things we know but do not practice.  My favorite part of the original post reflects this:

Yes, there might be a helpful one or two, but most are terrible and they’re all pretty much the same anyway even though dating and relationships are not “one size fits all.”  Marge also chimed in, claiming that dating and advice books are not necessarily helpful but are interesting.  When He’s Just Not That Into You was first published, many women claimed just that, “but I already know all this stuff!”  However, as much as we may know, it’s easy to get caught up in bad habits and repeat patterns that are counter to what we know is a healthy way of acting.

It was the idea of already knowing what is presented in advice books that sparked the idea for this Love & Books series.  Ari had written a post on Curious Illusion about finding herself again after the end of a relationship.  She had received Single: The Art of Being Satisfied, Fulfilled, and Independent .  She never got around to finishing the book and while packing for a move some time later rediscovered it only to realize she had learned how to be happy as a single without its help.  Time and time again, you hear people say that it’s when they stopped looking or truly became comfortable with themselves as a single that they met the person of their dreams.  Understanding your singleness and choices in dating is just as important as learning how to really listen to your partner.

No Comments

Love & Books Redux: Part 2

8th February, 2010 by Christina - 2 Comments

As I re-read all the original Love & Books posts, a theme began to emerge that I discussed in Redux Part 1.  It’s not the act of reading or the books themselves that attract us to other people, but what the books say about them and their world view and whether or not that image fits with the values of the viewer.  We judge them based on our own experiences and beliefs, which for readers are often developed through books.  In the original Love & Books post “Judge The One You’re With” I wrote:

Possibly one of the reasons we judge people based on the books we read is that we recognize how books have shaped our perceptions of the world.  Similar to the way romantic comedies slightly color how women hope to have their own “meet-cute,” books can do the same, and not just in regard to meeting the love of our lives.  We change our eating habits, our politics, our fascination with slugs, and so on because we have a relationship with the books as well as with a gamut of emotions that are manipulated by the words on the page. 

Recently, I began reading the site Ophelia’s Webb thanks to a guest series titled “All You Need.”  Each writer takes a stab at exploring what love is to them.  Carlos Miceli explored the idea of what love really is and the fact that movies often color our expectations in the post “Is It Really Love?“  In the comments, readers of the blog discussed how movies shape our desires and perceptions of love.  Books do the same thing.  Ask any ardent fan of Jane Austen and they will often tell you that they are waiting on their own Mr. Darcy.  Austen is considered to be the grandmother of the “chick-lit” novel–books about meeting someone and falling in love. 

However, her themes often run deeper than modern ”chick-lit”, addressing circumstances of women in her own time.  I pointed out in the comments that love as we know it today is very different from what it once was.  Austen’s heroines married because they had to.  Because women had no income or rights other than what was provided by father, brother, or husband. Lizzie Bennett is one of the earliest examples of a literary woman insisting on marrying for love in a time where liking your husband meant you lucked out.  Not all of Austen’s characters marry for love the way Lizzie and her sister Jane do.  Marianne in Sense & Sensibility falls in love as it is presented in movies–the heady and passionate whirlwind of lust–only to have her heart broken before agreeing to marry the constant, loyal, and kind Colonel Brandon who can provide for her.

Love alone can’t carry a relationship because while we all share a generalized view, our own personal definitions of the word vary, and we all require our own concept of traits that create a successful relationship and make up a cohesive whole that we consider love.  There is more to it than fluffy clouds and long days spent in bed.  Love for each person is an amalgamation of feelings and values, one of the most agreed upon being respect.  It is a key ingredient in love that makes both arranged marriages and marriages for love work.  If you cannot respect your partner, how can you expect to like them, much less love them?

Much as we may want our partner to share our love of reading, what is more important is simply their ability to respect our need to find time to read.  Likewise, we must respect them for their literary choices and give them time to pursue the things that they enjoy–things that make us love them for who they are in the first place.  When I asked “Could You Love A Non-Reader?” it was reiterated to me that respect was a key component in making love what it is.

Ultimately, the key to a strong relationship is respect between both partners.  As much as the avid reader may want to date another reader, we can’t always predict who we fall in love with.  Sometimes that other person does not read much, if at all.  This is where respect comes into play.  One reader, Linda, let us know that in past relationships she was made to feel guilty about the time she spent reading and not paying attention to the other person.  The guilting from her partners was not respectful to her interests.  Linda is now married.  ”My husband respects my choice to read and tries not to interrupt me while I’m reading.”  Referring back to Marge, reading is a hobby and we need to respect our partner’s choices to spend time  on their hobbies, whether they be reading, building a tiny ship in a bottle, or learning circus hula-hooping, and in turn we require them to respect our choices.

2 Comments

Love & Books Redux – Part 1

4th February, 2010 by Christina - 2 Comments

After the Love & Books series was completed, I occasionally received notes telling me how much a reader enjoyed the series or their own thoughts on the questions and topics covered in the series. 

Two different replies to my initial survey and kick-off post, Love In The Stacks, vetted the same idea–reading is a hobby.  We often want the people we decide to date to have similar interests, but what I learned from these responses is that it’s not the hobbies themselves that are important, but the approach to life.  Dating someone with hobbies and interests that you don’t share (or vice versa–they don’t share yours) can be a way to explore and learn about new things.  In fact, wouldn’t dating a carbon copy of yourself be rather dull?

No two people are exactly alike.  You will have your interests and they will have theirs.  Not all hobbies will mesh, and that can lead to discord (you like to travel the world, they have no interest in leaving the town they grew up in), but others can be complimentary to one another.  If your partner has no interest in reading it doesn’t mean you have to stop.  It just means that you have to schedule your time appropriately–maybe you read while they work on that ship in a bottle or bring a book with you to their weekly softball game. 

Respect is important in a relationship–you must respect their hobbies and interests while they must respect yours.  Go ahead and use their interests as inspiration for the books you buy.  They love space?  Find an astronaut’s memoir and see if it will help you understand why they find the subject so fascinating.  You don’t have to develop an undying love, you simply need to understand.

In the comments for the first Love & Books post, Marcelo made this observation:

For me it was never about someone who reads or doesn’t read as much as finding someone who was interested in something, a learner who isn’t above finding new things and trying new ideas out for size.

Readers are by nature curious.  Through books we are constantly learning and must respect that for some people reading is not easy (various learning and reading disabilities) and that one can still have that same curious approach to life through other avenues of exploration.

My favorite part of the post touched on the theme as well:  

All of this got me thinking about the people we choose to date.  I’ve dated plenty of non-geeks and there’s a reason I think those relationships didn’t work out.  There was a mental disconnect–we wanted to talk about different things.  When one date mentioned (proudly) that he hadn’t picked up a book since high school, I should have been tipped off to run the other way.  Our approaches to life were drastically different and we had nothing to talk about for the handful of months we were together.  I learned through these relationships and through my singledom what it was I wanted in a partner, how I expected to be treated, and a lot about myself.

There’s a quote that came my way not too long ago.  I have no clue where it came from, but it struck a chord with me and I’d love to give credit where credit is due:

                 Don’t date someone who’s exciting.  Date someone who is interesting.

That’s the thing about geeks–those of us who read a lot and like to share what we got out of the book or who have really odd hobbies have a wealth of stuff to talk about.  When you and the person you are with have a variety of interests, it opens new worlds of things to try, learn, and talk about even if your interests are different.  

It wasn’t so much that there were no books in their homes as the fact that those exes had a complacent approach to life or whose existance centered around partying that did not work for me.  I was dating exciting men who went out every night of the week, who were bold and charismatic–it was definitely exciting to be with the man that other women wanted, who would buy rounds of drinks, and get past the velvet rope.  But there was little substance underneath that partying. 

Where I found inspiration in books, someone else found it in music or movies or sports.  It wasn’t the fact that they were not readers that made the relationships fail–it was the fact that we had vastly different approaches to life that were reflected in our interests.

Looking at my parents’ relationship, I can see this clearly–my mother has no interest in space or physics, but she understands that these are things my father loves–things that motivate and inspire him.  So she attends his model rocket launches and listens to him explain some mumbo-jumbo that sounds like a the teacher in Peanuts cartoons.  Likewise, you will find him helping her scroll through microfiche to find some elusive birth certificate as she tracks down the family tree.  They have their shared interests and they have their time to individually go to their own thing. 

What attracts us to someone in the first place is someone’s uniqueness.  It would be a shame to lose that in the interest of only dating people just like ourselves.

2 Comments

Love & Books: Redux

3rd February, 2010 by Christina - 3 Comments

Do you follow Stacked on Twitter?  Yes? 

You many have noticed a link I recently include to the ever popular Time Out New York Singles Issue that is put out every February.  Yours truly has been included this year.  As I’m not particularly a fan of online dating and matchmaking services, writing a profile (three simple questions) was not at all easy!

The most difficult was:  ”What makes you a great catch?”  Say what?  I know why I like me–but what is it that makes guys like me?  I asked a number of male friends and they had some awesome responses that I almost used (Rik–who was featured in the issue last year:  “I’m cute, I’m smart, I’ve got my shit together,” Ryan:  ”Brains, Boobs, Brass”), but my favorite conversation came from Matt as we tried to put that special something into words:

You are a catch because you are constantly trying to figure out ways to be even geekier.

I need to word that better but what I think is so awesome about you is that it seems like every time I talk to you, you’re like, “OMG, so I decided I am going to learn ancient Macedonian this weekend” or “I saw a picture of Leonard Nimoy on the subway today so I decided to start watching Star Trek.”

With Valentine’s Day approaching and my single status plastered in a magazine all over New York, I’ve ended up with dating on the brain.  You may recall that I did a series last year called Love & Books wherein I surveyed people to find out how books play a role in dating, sex, and relationships.  The series started with a post about Word’s new matchmaking services–a literary-based personals board.  Actually, that board was the inspiration for the series.  The board has been up for a year now, and while I didn’t get any responses (rather than feeling bad about my book preferences, we’re going to blame my handwriting), some regulars in the shop have been a little luckier.  Time Out New York wrote up an article that featured a few of the success stories (Russ Marshalek and Marley Magaziner) and still singles (Sherry Wasserman, who was the inspiration for the board) two weeks ago.*

Over the course of the year, I’ve seen a few articles on the subject of reading and its impact on relationship in magazines, newspapers, and other blogs.  Love and relationship are a regular “go-to” topic, and people who are passionate about their books often hope to find the same in a partner. 

So, from now until Valentine’s Day, in between reviews and rants about books, there will be the return of LOVE & BOOKS!!!!  It was a popular series and things change over time, so I’ll showcase some of my favorite passages and links and would love to hear how people feel about the subjects covered a year later.

*I’ve met Russ briefly, but I am a fan of his on Twitter.  His tweets are obnoxiously awesome.  I had a chance to chat with Sherry at the Word/TONY singles mixer, and she is adorably fantastic.

** I’d also like to note that in the picture, the upper right is a photo of Rachel Kramer Bussel of the In The Flesh reading series fame.

3 Comments

Woe Is Me :(

1st February, 2010 by Christina - 7 Comments

In normal day to day interactions, I’m so not melodramatic.  In fact, I’m so laid back most of the time that I’ve gotten in trouble at work before for remaining levelheaded during minor crisis.  Apparently, if you’re not freaking out over a printer jam preventing you from compiling a presentation due in twenty minutes, you just don’t care about your job.*

I do get a little excited over going to the zoo (case in point, my tweets this weekend) and building snowmen or cool trips I get to go on.  But I wouldn’t describe my enthusiasm as melodramatic.

Except today, in which I am going to die. 

You see, I rarely get sick.  There’s lots of knocking on wood as I type that.  I’ve had the flu twice in my life and rather minor cases of it at that.  Never broken a bone, or sprained anything.  Spend most of the winter without the sniffles.**

So when I get sick, even the minorist (is that a word?) of head colds–you might as well start preparing my eulogy.  I am going to die because my sinuses are slightly stuffed (I can still breathe and have no cough), and the tissues here at work suck.  Actually, the nice thing about being rarely sick is that I can tell almost immediately when the cold is coming on and can combat it right away.  Hello vitamin C and lots of sleep.  Guns a blazin’ preventative measures here so that I spend a few days of existence a little uncomfortable rather than slipping into “death throes.”

The worst thing about being sick is the lack of concentration.  And here we segue into books since this is a book blog.  On those rare occasions where not only am I sick, but also actually sick enough to stay home and in bed all day, I like to read.  Actually, I like to watch television since it’s pretty mindless, but alas, I don’t have one of those so mindless reading will have to do.  But there really isn’t much you can do in the awake hours of being sick that still allow you to relax so that your immune system can do it’s thing.  Reading, watching movies–they’re great for not requiring you to do much of anything provided you’re reading or watching something that is relatively interesting but not intense.

In high school I liked to read The Cat Who mystery series by Lillian Jackson Braun.  They’re really easy to get through and I don’t need to worry about nodding off mid-way through one and having to reorient myself to the plot when I wake up.  Problem is, I’ve now read the entire series and they only take about an hour to read. 

So here I am at work finishing up my nth cup of hot honey water (so soothing on the throat) and debating on what I should have on hand for the next time I’m home curled up in bed (or under this super furry blanket I own while on the couch) when home sick. When you’re sick, you can’t really run out to the library or bookstore to pick something up, there have to be a few books tucked away for just such an occasion–books you’ve been dying to read or that require a lot of concentration don’t work because you’re brain feels like it’s floating and just needs light fluff.

So, questions for the day: 

What are some mystery or chick-lit fluff recommendations (feel free to include why you love them UPDATE: and Sci-Fi and Fantasy are welcome too) that are perfect for days when you just can’t–or shouldn’t–get out of bed?

And, what are some of your home remedies for kicking a cold?  I like to get plenty of sleep, drink lots of warm liquids, and eat soup and clementines.  I’m also a big fan of not being schlumpy when out in public–comfortable may be nice but I’m all about the faux-optimism tricking your body into thinking it’s not sick.

*Remain level headed and just send the presentation to a printer on a different floor.  It’s seriously NOT. THE END. OF. THE WORLD!

**For serious.  Even when I had my wisdom teeth out, I thought I’d get a few days of couch crashing and movie watching at my parent’s place while Mom brought me ice cream and Jell-o.  Nope, was fine–up and about and eating solid food that evening.

7 Comments

Does That Say “mayor” Or “major”?

27th January, 2010 by Christina - 2 Comments

I snapped this photo the other morning on the subway.  The guy filled up about four pages in his Moleskine with notes on the book he was reading about Tarkovsky.  Read, pull notebook and pen out of pocket, write, return notebook and pen to pocket.  Repeat.

While I see a lot of readers during my commutes, I rarely see people taking notes about what they are reading.  Writing in a moving vehicle is not easy.  There are plenty of women who put on their make-up while on the trains, they carefully wait, feeling each bump and jolt before finding the perfect moment to apply their mascara.  Often, those moments happen while the train is in the station.  

Unlike applying one’s face, capturing one’s thoughts has an urgency to it–it cannot wait until pulling into the next station and stopping.  There is also the desire to capture an idea immediately in order to continue reading. 

While I do know avid note takers, I do not know many.  When I see these rare beasts on the subway, I want to peer over their shoulder and see what ideas they are capturing.  Some people have small handwriting in neat little rows.  Others have arrows and blocks and scratches all over the place.  This gentleman’s writing was so compact and orderly, perfect lines stretching across the page with the occasional scribbled out word.

Until the past year, I was never a note-taker.  Read a book, maybe pause to ponder, and then move on.  Note-taking has forced me to slow down a little and really focus on the words and their meaning.  While I do eventually stop thinking so actively about a particular book or idea, I do find that the basis of what was being said sticks with me longer.  It’s gotten to the point where I’ll write on just about anything–notepaper, envelopes, in a journal–just to capture and idea.  And the idea can be anything–a quote, a continuation and break down to help myself understand, diagrams, suggestions for things to share here.

Of the types of note takers, I am the second sort.  A mess of scribbles, circlings, and exclamation marks trying to make a point. Sometimes re-reading my notes a few months after they have graced the page, I have no clue what I was trying to say.  Other times the notes re-inspire me to learn about something further or direct me to something new.  In addition to the notes, books become riddled with sticky tabs, numbered and referenced in the notes.

But I am not good at writing on the subway.  My chicken scratching is hard enough to read when I write while sitting at a table; I’d never make out a thing if I wrote while the train rolls on.

Samara O’Shea, author of For the Love of Letters and Note to Self has recently started writing on Tranquility du Jour and recently posted about some letters she had received.  One letter was from a gentleman prolific in calligraphy.  Years ago I studied the art.  While I became fairly decent at it, I never remotely reached the skill this gentleman possesses.  Looking over my notes, I finally bought a children’s pad of lined paper in which to reform my handwriting into something cleaner as well as to take up the calligraphy pen again.  While this might make my letters and memos a little more legible, I doubt I’ll ever be talented enough to whip out a pen on the train.  While I occasionally jump out of the shower or crawl out of bed in the middle of the night to find a pen, on the subway I think I’ll stick to sending myself emails from my phone.

2 Comments

Breaking the Rules

25th January, 2010 by Christina - 9 Comments

Today I have decided to do a terrible thing.  In the scheme of things, it’s not particularly bad, but it does break the trust of a relationship.

I have actively decided not to return a book to the library on time.  And someone else is waiting for it. 

The book is a bit obscure–it not like Elizabeth Gilbert’s latest, Committed, which had a waiting list of 78 people when I reserved it (if not more, I just know 78 people were ahead of me).  And, to make matters worse, I already extended checkout of the book–the first time because I had checked out too many books to handle while traveling over the holidays and the second because I just wasn’t finished.

My reading has been a bit lazy this past month and with a hundred pages left, I didn’t think it would be a problem to extend the checkout period one more time.  Except someone else decided that they too would like to read about the history of walking and added Wanderlust by Rebecca Solnit to their reserve list. 

Wanderlust’s checkout period ends for me tonight.  Those few pages should be manageable, however, regardless of whether or not I returning it tomorrow morning or Wednesday morning (I have yoga tomorrow night and won’t be anywhere near the library), I’m still stuck paying a fine.  Early on in my reading, I considered buying a copy, but further on feel it’s one not necessary to my collection.  A dollar or two in fines is negligible compared to the $23.99 should I actually buy it. 

I’m not particularly pleased with what I’m doing.  If I were on the waiting end of the book, I wouldn’t be too happy with someone hanging onto it longer than their allotted time and forcing me to wait, nor would I be pleased if I were the library having to deal with the late return and fining process (which, while I will pay immediately, isn’t always paid by some patrons).  It’s an inconvenience to all other parties in order to accommodate myself because it’s not that I forgot when I had to return the book; I am choosing to delay return.

People like me, who decide we don’t ever do this are messing with how the organization of lending books operates.  I’m curious as to what other people think of my bad behavior and what one should do if they need an extra night to finish a book past the original return date (we can just ignore that fact that I’ve continually put off finishing Wanderlust during the two checkout periods I’ve had it in my possession).

Would you hang on to a book to finish it?  Or would you return it and attempt to check it out to finish later?

How wrong is it for me to break the rules this way?  It might not be a huge deal if one person does this occasionally, but what about when lots of people do this–some occasionally and others regularly?

9 Comments