I was going to leave the online dating thing alone after yesterday’s post, but a friend brought up a good point–Stacked is about good writing, mostly in the form of books, but good writing nonetheless.
There was a reason I included those emails as failures–they all missed the mark on good writing and knowing the target reader. Trying to determine what a person is like through email is hard enough–tone of voice, sarcasm, etc. don’t always come through well. When you add in run-on ungrammatical sentences and text speak, what the viewer sees is just a bunch of noise.
As I told a friend, I don’t think my photo makes me come across as a freaky one-night-stand-let’s-do-body-shots kind of girl–so what made these guys think that’s what I wanted to hear? And more to the point, what made them think I’d actually contact them?
The good emails were few and far between and nothing has come of them–a few exchanged emails here and there–but I did write back because of something in their original email. They told me about themselves, they were respectful, and they asked me about something in my initial profile. Sadly, some emails I never responded to after managing to lock myself out of the email account and not receiving the re-set password for three weeks. I apologize to the poor fellow who heard back very belatedly from me.
This one was short, but effective. He told me about as much as was included in my profile but enough that I have something to continue the conversation with and to let me know a little about the kind of person he is. His photo also looked to be pretty recent.
I’m all about new experiences, new people and new adventures. I just got back from vacation in Brazil on Monday, and I already miss the sun. Let’s grab lunch/coffee/tea sometime. I’d love to hear how one sells a freight train.
After a lovely list that included favorite museums, authors, foods, and other interests, I pegged this guy as the well-traveled, intelligent, and laid back type. He admitted to not being good at describing himself but his eclectic list intrigued me. The best part of the email was his self-deprecating and funny closer:
I’m sure your inbox is inundated with all kinds of guys–hunky, chunky, creepy, crazy, cooky and questionable–but don’t worry I assure you…I’m all of those things in one. Not really. Well, maybe one of them, but only a little.
He and I did manage to exchange a few emails where we got to know one another better and learned that we both loved our trips to Italy and that neither of us own a television. The whole “forgot my password” thing ended the conversation however. I did remember his email address and wrote to him from my personal email but never heard back.
Finally, this guy had promise after a well written email that let me decipher quite a bit about what kind of person he is:
A little about myself, I’m a 32-year-old lover of the arts that grew up in DC, but spent part of my summers and Christmases in MAJOR FOREIGN CITY (my parents were very proud REFERANCE TO COUNTRY OF ORIGIN) and am now living in Brooklyn (and fortunate enough to literally have 7 close friends from every major period in my life living within 2 blocks of my apartment). I kind of dislike talking about what I do since it has nothing to do with who I am (I’ve been a JOB TITLE by day, but definitely don’t have the personality of one). I guess I’ve always thought of work to be like school: something that I have to do in order to be able to spend time with my friends and family, which is all that really matters to me.
It was nice to receive such a well thought out note. I didn’t hesitate to write back, but we received details of our email access after our photos went live on the TONY website and he had written to me right away. Apparently that lag in time was too long for him and he was no longer interested by the time I did respond.
Everyone has their quirks and deal breakers when it comes to initial interaction and whether or not they are willing to pursue getting to know someone–be it for friendship or romance. The key with any type of writing is to know your audience and put some thought in to what you have to say.
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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
I totally agree with you — the worst thing a woman wants is some form-letter-type communication. It’s silly, it’s impersonal, aand it tells me absolutely nothing about who you are.
And you definitely give off a body-shots vibe… and I don’t think I do, either! It amazes me the ridiculous crap guys send me.
Like, for example, this gem I received today:
“my name is [REDACTED!], i wanted to start off by saying i think that you are very beautiful and that i believe i could keep that beautiful smile of yours out for a long time, i am a down to earth guy who loves to have fun, and loves to take care of the woman i am with. i would never cheat and i would never put my hands on a woman, but i a always there for her when she needs me, so if you would like to get to know each other then feel free to message me back”
What scares me most is that he actually felt the need to tell me he would never put his hands on a woman. Um? Doesn’t that… go without saying? Lord.
Um, definitely meant to say you do NOT give off a body shots vibe! Sorry about the inadvertant insult! ;)
Can you write another post that includes all of the ridiculous emails you did get?
Scratch that…I just read your previous post. Sorry, I was scrolling down in Google Reader.