There’s so much I’m working on behind the scenes for Stacked that I forgot to post today!
So, with the day coming to an end, I thought I’d share some “entertaining” results I got from Time Out New York’s Singles Edition that I earlier wrote about. Sure there were some nice guys and response-worthy emails, but they aren’t nearly as fun for you all to read. The results reconfirm my disinclination to try Internet dating.
Some were a little misguided, like the college student (who is by far too young for me) who didn’t divulge anything about himself other than that, “I am also an up and coming Hip-Hop/R&B producer.” I think he still has a ways to go before that happens. You know, he still needs to graduate.
Then there were the rather confident emails that, again, said nothing about the sender. But man, that confidence, such a turn-on. ”Hey there hun and why go though all the trouble of looking when a dude is here waiting on ya to come claim me.” Even better was the switch into text-speak halfway through the email, “how u gonna see me even if u wanted to give a dude a chance cos i bet since u r a cutie, all these horndogs r trying to crowd ya.”
Hardly anyone included a photo–which I don’t think is fair seeing as mine was available in a magazine and online. One guy did send a very nice photo. He was rather cute…seeing as he was three years old in the photo.
A few folks sent me emails with subject lines like “feel free to check me out” and then immediately went on to pimp their website. Even better was the guy who insisted in calling me “Lovely” in the same manner someone might call their significant other ”Babe” or “Sweetie”) and gave me a resume…of his family members before an extended discription of the company of which he is ”prez:”
My 2 siblings, by the way, have big involvement in theater, improv., acting, & writing: both write for T.V. now, XX works for XYZ TELEVISION NETWORK, XX played Carnegie Hall recently, Writes for TELEVISION SHOW too…They had a comedy show together for 6 years. Mom had Freelanced for years before becoming a renowned Romance author (website.com).
He now spams my inbox weekly with updates of his company. On the dating side, he included a random list of twenty-some things he’s interested in: social services, sales, natural weightlifting, exploring round ‘hoods, not to mention his “acute sense of absurd & sublime”. Oh, and he’s looking for a “(com)passionate lady.” I’m not quite sure what that means. From what I hear, a few other women featured in the issue also heard from this guy.
One guy clearly didn’t read my profile as he sent me back this great line: ”I have over one thousand dvds and 700 cds…you and I won’t be bored.” I enjoy movies, but if that’s the extent of what you do, then yes, I would be bored. Very bored. He just keeps digging a hole by telling me about himself, “I am like Jerry Seinfeld …always meeting a woman who seems great at first but THEN you find out something that just causes it to cease developing.” Can someone explain why I might want to date a guy who says that? I can’t think of a single reason.
And finally. The euphamism guys who clearly just want to meet up for sex: “Nice sexy picture. Well I don’t know what space camp is but I be glad to take you.. :)”
The best of course of these (and of all the emails actually) is the one that I can’t make heads or tails of. I’m guessing he wants a mistress and that the euphemisms are all double entendres, but they don’t really make sense.
Subj: Interested In Pullman Bread…And You
Sorry for the obvious and heady subject line, but it just so happens that my Grandfather worked out of the yards in Queens. I’m not sure if we’re talking about the same thing, but more importantly, I think you are absolutely beautiful. Please respect my privacy and call me at 867-5309. My name is Vincent. I would be surely glad to meet you in a public place and see where it goes from there.
If anyone can translate that one, please do!
I’ll be back soon with all sorts of bookish posts and details on all my secretive news.
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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
u got some gr8 responses there. Classic. I’m interested in Pepperidge Farm bread, personally, but I accept Vincent’s affliction for carbs. “…respect my privacy…meet you in a public place…” – ummmmm?
Poor Vincent, his privacy has been blown now that his phone number is on the internet for the rest of us. His phone is probably ringing off the hook by now. If only his headline were a little more obvious so we knew what he was talking about!
These are all tooo funny!!
I don’t think Vincent has much to worry about, 867-5309 puts you through to Jenny
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vlfq8ytWpxY
Thank you for catching that! A few people admonished me for including his real number. I did change to Jenny’s. Jenny, I got your number.
Also, a new email just came in! Booty Call from Tampa, yo!
hey can we chat sometime really down earth 20 from tampa fl i am chad i hate cheaters and fake people i am single u i love to go out dancing are stay in and watch a good movie with i am tierd of the inmuture people so over the drama anyways had to say ur beautiful be 21 in few weeks and love theatre and a good yankee or knicks game are can walk around the city and hold hands and just shop or have a romantic dinner or picnic in central park with u i come up to the city alot for vaction and hit up alot of the yankee games
Oh, adventures in dating — and misguided dating, at that! These stories are really funny and I can certainly relate. I love the last one that requires translation… and that he asks you to “respect his privacy” (?!) but call him at his personal number…? Um?
I’m actually pretty involved in the “online dating” scene, LOL, which makes me feel like a creepster just saying that, but… well, it’s true. I’ve gotten many emails from guys who actually seem like they have all their marbles, though you never quite know early on in the game. I’ve actually been out on a few dates with them in real life and had a great time, though we weren’t really right for each other. Still, it was a positive experience… and I guess I do believe in the “system,” awkward though it might be!
I actually have nothing against online dating…so long as it’s other people doing it. I do know of a few success stories, it’s the major faliures that are so much more entertaining though!
No clue what that last guy was going for – his email came in under the name of Jason@server.com – and Vincent is the name he gave me in the body of the email….so…maybe his wife checks his voicemail and with a faux-name he can write it off as a wrong number? Who knows!
Well seeing how you personally were a complete bitch to me from out of nowhere I honestly think you will remain single and lonely for a good long number of the rest of your days on this planet. You are a self-entitled bitch and I hope you have fun making fun of people. Let us know when the experiment was a success.
oooch, low blow from the cowardly anonymous poster!
It’s hard enough to put yourself out there in this crazy world without having random people snipe at you from the safety of their computers.
An anonymous poster – wow. Someone doesn’t have the guts to talk to your face. Sounds like they don’t know you at all..
Yer #1 Fan is World’s #1 Tool. Yay, interwebs!
By the by, here’s that blog I was telling you about last night called the 90-Day Bohemian Dating Experiment. Start at the beginning and prepare to be amused. She’s a lovely writer, which makes the reading even better: http://tinyurl.com/yfmozq9