Love & Books: The Old Book And Chain
29th July, 2009 by Christina - 1 Comment
Here we are at the final installment of Love & Books. I was hoping to include two stories but feel they will have to wait for another time as the series has been running long enough.
On Monday we talked about how singles who are avid readers will sometimes judge another person’s long-term prospects based on their reading preferences. Today, the marrieds.*
Now, once you’ve got past the early “getting to know you” and “do I really want to be in a relationship with this person” phase of dating, you find yourself in a long-term relationship where you may not like the reading material of your significant other, but you look at their collection of Star Wars novels as a lovable fault rather than a deal breaker.
Few of our married respondents had the same book taste as their other (better?) half and this didn’t bother them at all.
Linda pointed out that while she has her books and her husband has his, “we talk about the books we read all the time. I love hearing about the fantasy worlds that his books are set in.”
Because of this, Linda has started to read more sci-fi, a trend other respondents reported as well: they were more inclined to read a book because their spouse recommended it. In cases like Marcelo’s, he finds there is the occasional overlap and will often encourage his fiancee Hannah (for two more days!) to read books he has recently finished and feels very passionately about. He admits that it doesn’t always work but Hannah has started to read a little more steampunk and is interested in a few books, like Little Brother, that Marcelo talks about regularly.
Some of our couples have common reading time but rarely is it scheduled time. The closest response to scheduled reading time came from Marcelo,
We used to go to our favorite coffee shop and read together in the morning but that no longer works because the shop closed down. Now many times we just read together at night or on the weekend.
Jamie and Kurt (who were the only couple to both fill-out the survey) mentioned they will often discuss books over meals and like many couples,
We don’t have a specified reading time, but we do read together sometimes–even more so when on vacation. We often read each other tidbits we find interesting from books, magazines, news stories, etc.
For couples who do not discuss books or share reading time, it was important that their spouse respect the time they choose to read. Some find the easiest way to accommodate both halves of the couple was to read while the other was engaged in another activity, for example, reading while one watched television or was busy building model rockets or researching geneology (that example is my parents by the way).
Most of our couples have a library card for each person but have a tendency to use only one. As Jamie pointed out, the cards are free, so why wouldn’t you each get a card? Plus, two cards mean you can check-out even more books!There was a broad mix of couples going to the library as a couple, picking-up pre-reserved or list of books for the other, or picking out something for the other on their own.
Very few people, like Marge and Linda, felt comfortable picking-out a book for their spouse on their own, even if very aware of the other’s preferences. Marge let us know that she has attempted to get her husband books as gifts in the past but has learned that he is too specific to veer off a list while Linda admits to picking some “real losers” when she’s tried to find something for her husband to read.
For people like Care, being married for most of her adult life mean that her reading habits haven’t changed much over the years. Other respondents felt the same; planning the wedding or having kids have interfered with free-time on occasion. But overall, their love of reading keeps them reaching for books and making the time. Being in a relationship has, on occasion, allowed them to talk more about what they are reading than when they were single.
Multiple respondents said that their relationship has broadened their minds to new genres Linda’s husband now reads graphic novels because of her and Jamie has started reading more history books because of Kurt. The relationship has allowed people to appreciate and notice things in books that they otherwise would not have without the experience of being with the person they love.
*It is easier to easier to just typed “marrieds” than “people in long-term relationhips” constantly even though the descriptor of “marrieds” is not accurate for the respondants as many are in common-law marriages, reflecting on past marriages, engaged, or just happily with someone for a long time.
