Love & Books: Love in the Stacks

10th July, 2009 6 Comments

It’s personal details time on Stacked!  You know, where I share more than I ever intend to…

I don’t date a lot.  How could I and read this much?

Joking aside, I’ve just never been much of a dater.  Every once in awhile people have tried to rope me into online dating and send me links to dating/relationship related sites.  While I’ve avoided the online dating thing, I do follow engaging blogs such as Sex, Lies, and Dating.  Besides having her link in my feedreader, I also follow Simone on Twitter.

Coincidentally, both she and Matt posted links to the same site over the course of a week, which leads me to geek dating and books.  Simone linked to a tongue-in-cheek article about online dating profiles, while Matt linked to a service the site’s owner runs…geek matchmaking.  And she features a male and female “geek of the month” on her newsletter.  Needless to say, despite my aversion to online dating, I’m now registered to be one of her featured geeks.

Then, today, I was reading the archives on Ari’s blog and noticed a post about being happy being single that she had received at the end of a relationship and how she managed to learn that lesson on her own without the book.  Meanwhile, Word now has a literary matchmaking board up (more to come), and Amy at Bergen Street Comics and I had a discussion the other week about how comics are a great way for women to meet men.

All of this got me thinking about the people we choose to date.  I’ve dated plenty of non-geeks and there’s a reason.  I think part of the reason those relationships didn’t work out was because of a mental disconnect–we wanted to talk about different things.  When one date mentioned (proudly) that he hadn’t picked up a book since high school, I should have been tipped off to run the other way.  Our approaches to life were drastically different and we had nothing to talk about for the handful of months we were together.  I learned through these relationships and through my singledom what it was I wanted in a partner, how I expected to be treated, and a lot about myself.

There’s a quote that came my way not to long ago.  I have no clue where it came from, but it struck a chord with me and I’d love to give credit where credit is due:

Don’t date someone who’s exciting.  Date someone who is interesting.

That’s the thing about geeks–those of us who read a lot and like to share what we got out of the book or who have really odd hobbies have a wealth of stuff to talk about.  When you and the person you are with have a variety of interests, it opens new worlds of things to try, learn, and talk about even if your interests are different.  My mother has no interest in reading Lord of the Rings, but through my father’s geekdom was able to enjoy the movies.  They each have their shelves in the study that are jam-packed with books, and I’m pretty sure my mother had a secret “I told you the book was good” smile when my father finally got around reading Mansfield Park.

So, while I wait to be paired up with other geeks through this matchmaking service, I’ve decided to do a little series on dating and have some questions to ask of you.  Please email me your responses at info@stackedblog.com so that what comes out in the posts is a surprise!  Questions after the jump.

• Have you ever read dating advice books?
• Are there books you would recommend to other people?  Books you would never recommend?
• Were/are dating advice books helpful to you?
• Have you ever gone out with someone you met in a bookstore/library/comic book shop?
• Do you feel books have colored how you view relationships and what you expect in a partner?

Are you in a relationship?

• Do you and your significant other share literary tastes?
• Do you try to get your SO to read more books or more books that you like?
• Do you and your SO share books?
• Do you have a common reading time or reading habits?
• Do you and your SO discuss the books you are reading?
• Would you feel confident to buy them an unexpected book they had not asked for but would probably like?
• Do you or your SO read relationship/sex advice books?
• Do you and/or your SO have library cards or share one?
• Have you or your SO discovered a genre because of the other?
• Has being in a relationship changed your reading habits?

Are you single?

• Do you find the people you want to go on more than one date with are readers or not?
• Do you require dates to be readers?
• How do you feel when a date tells you they never read?
• Are you ever judgemental about a date’s reading preferences?  Does this impact your seeing them again?
• When you make it to a date’s home for the first time, do you notice their books?  What impression do book titles/organization/lack of books make on you?
• Does dating affect what you read/how much you read?

Feel free to send me your comments and anecdotes on reading and dating/relationships if you don’t mind my including a quote or two in future posts (you can always request to remain anonymous too).

Related posts:

1. Love & Books: Redux Do you follow Stacked on Twitter?  Yes?  You many have...
2. Love & Books: My Advice To You When it comes to relationships, advice books seem to be...
3. Love & Books Redux: Part 3 I still don’t understand, and don’t believe I ever will,...
4. Love & Books Redux – Part 1 After the Love & Books series was completed, I occasionally...
5. Love & Books: Could You Love A Non-Reader? After our brief little side-trip to the moon, we’re back...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.